Slides for Tonight's Talk - Software without (so many) Tears

Here are the slides for tonight's talk - Software without (so many) tears.

For further information, contact mark.stringer@gmail.com (07736 807 604)

Why is it always so complicated? 10 steps to understanding.

1. Join in: This isn't a passive blog post that you can just read. This is an active blog post. If you want to get the most out of it, you're going to have to participate. Find a pen and piece of paper? Got that? Good. Lets get on.
   
2. Start Writing: Make a list of five people that you really admire. They might be famous people, they might be friends, they might be family. But write down five names of people, living or dead that you really admire.
3. Say More: Now. by each of these names, write a one-word reason that you admire this person. What is it about them that you really like? Their courage? Their kindness? Their laziness? What?
4. Don't Forget the Bad Guys: OK, now we do the same for the bad guys. Make a list of five people that you really don't like and don't admire. It might be that you struggle, it might be that you could write all day, but just for now, lets stick with five names of shame.


He's on my list

5. They have a name for people like you: Just like we did with the good guys, for each name on your list, write down one word to describe why you don't like this person.


And so's he - comedians and philosophers, what does that say about me?

6. Close your eyes: Now this is the part where you have to use your imagination. Look at the two lists of names that you've written and imagine that all ten of them are standing together in a crowd.
7. Imagine: And now imagine that this crowd of people you like and don't like is standing right in front of you, obscuring your view of the world.


He's on my list. But which one?

8. Look around you: Wherever you are, look at the other people who are around you and understand that all those people have a crowd of people in front of them. A different crowd of people that they love and loathe. And that for you and for them, this crowd of people, this list of things you hate and admire, acts as a filter to the world.


Grrr. So's she.

9. You'll be amazed: If you aren't already doing this, marvel how anybody manages to to talk to anyone at all.
10. The more you know: Understand that the more information you have about who is in another person's "crowd" and the more aware you are about who is in your own, the better your chances of communicating.

For further information, contact Mark@agilelab.co.uk (07736 807 604)

Re: I'm your software developer, and I'm listening - PS

Following on from this morning's post:

PS When you're writing down what your clients tell you, be very careful to write down exactly what they tell you. Lots of books on communication tell you to re-phrase what people tell you to show that you've understood, but this can so easily turn into defensiveness and make the client think that you aren't actually listening.

For example:
CLIENT: This project has been a complete disaster!
YOU: I understand that there have been a few problems.

Translates to the client as "I don't think this project has been a disaster, I think you're over reacting."

Much better (though requiring much more self control) might be:

CLIENT: This project has been a complete disaster!
YOU: OK, let me write that down. "Complete disaster." Which bits in particular do you think were disastrous?

As an old colleague of mine (who I never listened to) used to tell me,

"Make sure you've got all the poison out before you try to heal the wound."

For further information, contact Mark@agilelab.co.uk (07736 807 604)

I'm your software developer, and I'm listening

A lot of the people I work with have difficult clients, but I suspect most of them aren't really of the same calibre as the people that William Goldman has had to deal with. In his book "Which Lie Did I Tell?" he paints a brilliant picture of movie stars as very powerful, very rich and very very paranoid. As far as I can tell from the book, directors are pretty much the same, but because they get less public attention they can actually be even weirder.

Like this - only take notes!

So, imagine the scene, you've written the script for a movie which is going to be a vehicle for a big movie star and is going to be directed by an oscar-winning blockbuster director. You get a phone call, they want a meeting to talk about the script, what do you do? Well, what Bill Goldman does is he turns up at the meeting with a big legal pad and says "OK, tell me everything. Just tell me everything that's on your mind. Let it out."

And as the star, or the director, or the star and the director, or the star and the director and the star's astrologist make comments, he does nothing but write, write, write. No matter how dumb; now matter how insulting. Just because he's written it down doesn't mean he agrees with it. It does mean that he's taking the feedback seriously and dealing with it like a professional.

He listens, he writes.

Then he talks.

The point of this approach is that it works to take the heat out of the situation. Research shows that people are no where near as desperate to be agreed with as they are to be heard. The powerful temptation when people start criticising your work is to start defending yourself. But this is a temptation you should do your level best to resist.

Capture feedback, THEN process it.

If you try to process the feedback as it's being delivered, you probably won't be listening that closely. Whoever is trying to give you that feedback will sense this. Maybe they'll become more and more strident, maybe they'll become silent and sullen and you'll think you've won the argument. All you're doing is storing up trouble.








For further information, contact Mark@agilelab.co.uk (07736 807 604)

Six Things you Really Need to Know about Your Customers

I'm running Introduction to Agile Courses in London on 9th July and in Bristol on 5th August.

This post is mainly aimed at people who are trying to write software for their customers, but it probably applies a lot wider than that. When I run training courses on how to handle difficult conversations, I try to get across the idea that you should try to move a conversation away from message delivery, to information discovery. But when you do that, what information are you trying to discover? Well, these six areas aren't a bad place to start.

Timing

Following on from yesterday's post, it's a good idea to understand as much as you can about your customer's timing issues and expectations. This doesn't just mean time-scales and deadlines for the projects you're working on, but also the kinds of timings that are important in their business. It means anything else that you can possibly think of related to time. When do they get in the office? How late do they stay? In their business what is regarded as a reasonable response time for a query? 2 days? 20 seconds? What's the planning horizon for their business? There might be lots of different answers. For example, in advertising, pitches might need to be knocked up over night, but billboard space needs to be booked three to six months in advance for a campaign.

What are the timing issues?

Comprehension/Comodification

For want of a better clumsy term or two, what I mean is, is the business that your client is in a new, pioneering innovative business, or is it completely understood, a commodity, where competition has to be on price and efficiency and organisation has be to perfect. People who work in industries that are comprehended and comodified can find web and software development utterly bewildering. A common recent example is the experience of producers from television moving over to "produce" (i.e. project manage) web development projects. The costs of producing a 1 hour documentary or a 30 minute studio-based sitcom are well understood. The costs of producing a successful social media website aren't.

Is your customer's business a commodity business?

Money

How do your customers make it? Which of their activities makes loads of cash? Which of their activities make hardly any cash? What is expected of your software in relation to making money? What are their margins? They may not know some of the answers to these questions. Even if they do, they may not want to tell you. But the more you know about this, the better placed you are to deliver them the software they need, within a suitable charge structure. For example, if they plan to do the bulk of their business using your software over long period of time, maybe a maintenance and licensing deal makes more sense than an upfront fee. If they intend the website to be more profitable than any other business that they've ever run, they might have a problem.

Suppliers

What kind of relationship does your customer normally have with suppliers? Are these relationships based on good personal contact or on contracts? Does your customer make money by playing one supplier off against another to get the lowest price (as do, for example supermarkets?). What sort of response do they expect from their suppliers in terms of responsiveness, exclusivity, even level of formality?

Identity

Who are these people? How do they see themselves? Are they ruthless business people? Intellectuals? Great craftsmen and women? Artists? Teachers? Curators? Healers? COmmunicators? A large number of people that you meet in business never wanted to be in business and aren't in their post entirely for the money (or at least that's what they're telling themselves). You need to know why they're there, otherwise you're conversations with them will make very little sense.

How do you customers see themselves?

Software Knowledge and Experience

What knowledge of the internet, the world wide web or of software is there in the business? What knowledge is there of what the internet/web/software can and cannot do? Does anyone in the business understand what bespoke software is? Does the business have any experience of commissioning bespoke web, or any other kind of software in the past? Was commissioning software a good or a bad experience? What was good about it? What was bad about it?

What kind of technology do your customers consider to be "state of the art?"

This is a far from exhaustive list, but the better the answers you have to these questions, the better the chances for the project as it progresses. I also hope it's clear how important it is to know how your own organisation would answer these questions. What are your timing issues? How you do you see yourselves? What is your identity? How do you make money? How do you want or expect to be treated as a supplier? More to the point perhaps, what's your experience of software and the internet?

For further information, contact Mark@agilelab.co.uk (07736 807 604)

The Secret of Comedy (and Project Management)

One: Do you want to know the secret of comedy is?

Two: Yes, I do want to know what the secret of comedy is.

One: OK, I want you to stand there, opposite me and ask me in a strong, loud voice "What is the secret of comedy."

Two: What? Now?

One: Yes, now.

Two: OK, here goes. Are you ready?

One: Ready.

Two: Sure?

One: Certain.

Two: And what is it I say again?

One: [Through gritted teeth] What is the secret of comedy.

Two: OK, OK, secret of comedy. Got it.

One: All right then.

Two: All right then. [pause] What is the....

One: TIMING!

A friend of mine won a contract to build a website for a Mainstream Media (MSM) company. He thought things were going well. They had some kind of spec in place (this wasn't an Agile project). There'd been meetings the MSM guys had seem casual and relaxed. They didn't seem too bothered about contracts. My friend got the impression that this project was being done "under the radar" of normal corporate procedures. He was a bit surprised. He'd heard bad things about this company, maybe they were wrong, maybe he got lucky. They were just approaching two weeks before the site went live and everything looked to be going smoothly.

Then the telephone calls started. We've decided that we need all this extra stuff, by the end of the week. What about this? What about that? We can't host it in this country, we have to host it in this other country for legal reasons. Talk to our lawyers, they'll explain what they're going to do to you if you host it in the wrong country. What do you mean that's going to take an extra week? It can't take an extra week. Then the contracts started arriving. Extra clauses saying that the developer would bear the costs of any extra work, hidden on page 237 of a 400 page contract. Suddenly, when they turned up to meetings, there were five times as many people turning up from the MSM company's side and most of them seemed to be lawyers. And they weren't nice people. If my friend didn't do exactly what they told him, if he didn't sign the contract, they made it clear, he'd be out of business.

My friend, did what he could. Bravely, he refused to sign a contract he didn't have time to read. He agreed some kind of halfway house with the hosting, his loyal developers pulled several all-nighters to do all the changes that were required. They got something out for the deadline.

The first rule of comedy - timing

The next time I saw him I was expecting more tales of lawyers contracts, unexpected changes. But when I asked him about the project he just shrugged. "They seem to have lost interest."
"What?"
"That's how they work. They get all worked up before a release date, and they lose interest. They're straight on to the next thing. They're not worried about you any more. We've been to a few meetings, they're relaxed, just like they were three or four weeks before the deadline."
"Did you sign their contract?"
"No."
"Did they pay you?"
"Yes."

When I run my Introduction to Agile course over more than one day, (for example, the Managing Digital Projects Course) I start the second day with a discussion of negotiations and difficult conversations. One of the things that I recommend you try to do is to move from adopting a negotiation position to discovering value, to move from "message delivery" to a learning conversation. And I think one of the most important things for each side in a potential "difficult conversation" to learn about each other is their expectations of timing and time-scales.

For further information, contact Mark@agilelab.co.uk (07736 807 604)

In the Pub after my Difficult Conversations Talk

I was talking to this guy in the pub after my talk on Thursday.

"I've been the MD of two or three technology companies and I thought I understood what software was all about. I thought I knew all about technology. Then, just recently I started writing some macros in Excel, and then I got into VBA - and I thought - how hard could this be? And then after a couple of weeks it was like wow! Some things you think are easy are really hard - they take you days and other things, once you've got the hang of it, they're really easy. But when I'm doing this stuff - you'd better not talk to me, I can't be answering my phone or reading email of any of that stuff, when I'm writing code I've got to CONCENTRATE.

"And then suddenly it struck me - all these things programmers had been saying to me all these years..."

For further information, contact Mark@agilelab.co.uk (07736 807 604)

Feeback from my Difficult Conversations in Software Development Talk

This is the feedback I got for the talk "Software without (so many tears): dealing with difficult conversations in software".

Clearly I need to be more specific about how the things I talk about apply to software, but otherwise, I'm very pleased.

"covered a lot of personal conversational issues not exclusively software related. "

"Was an interesting talk on soft skills that are actually important for people in the software industry, lots of good and humorous points made! Perhaps there could've been some more direct software examples, but that's a minor quibble at best :) "

"This was a good presentation, refreshing to hear something on the often overlooked human angle of engineering/development. As someone who has had 'difficult conversations' in the past I enjoyed listening to Mark's no nonsense approach to reaching agreement. "

"Really got me thinking about how I react to others when having difficult conversations and Mark explained a diverse subject well in the short period of time. He also gave good direction for other resources regarding this topic."


For further information, contact Mark@agilelab.co.uk (07736 807 604)

Four books about negotiations and difficult conversations

Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In



The grandfather of all negotiation books. And the best place to start reading about this subject. Introduces some of the most important ideas in the field, including the BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) and the idea that you should concentrate on interested and values rather than positions. 20 million copies sold and it's no suprise.

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most



Very good at describing the whole story of difficult conversations, and why we have to include discussions of feelings and identity if we're going to have a chance of making any progress. Not so good at offering solutions on how to deal with the issues of feelings and identity. Infuriatingly, it doesn't have any kind of bibliography even though it's clear that a lot of the wisdom in it is drawn from other sources.

Beyond Reason: Using Emotions as You Negotiate



A really interesting book which is very good and outlining the different kinds of identity issues that might be at play in a negotiation. The trouble is, it doesn't really do what it says on the tin at all, it definitely doesn't show you how to use your emotions to your advantage in negotiation. Everything is very well referenced, so it's a good sign post to lots of other interesting reading about negotiation.

The Emotional Brain: The Mysterious Underpinnings of Emotional Life



A truly scary book. It shows you how little control the conscious part of your brain has over your emotions, especially the negative ones, fear and anger. The positive side of this is that it makes you realise very quickly that if you want to change your behaviour, a self-help book or a couple of days on a training course isn't going to be enough. You're going to have train yourself to behave differently, create a new "muscle memory" of the new way of behaving.


For further information, contact Mark@agilelab.co.uk (07736 807 604)

Talking about Difficult Conversations Tonight

I'm talking tonight about difficult conversations and software development.

The beta version of my presentation is here (pdf). I'm very interested to see what the response is from an audience of Java Developers.

For further information, contact Mark@agilelab.co.uk (07736 807 604) or Matt@agilelab.co.uk (07713 634 830)

New Course - Difficult Conversations Made Easy

Talking Technical: Dealing with Difficult Conversations in Software and Web Development

Everyone in every walk of life has had experience of conversations that don't go the way they would like, or result in more anger, upset and frustration than they do in progress. These kinds of conversations seem particularly common when people talk about software or web development, especially when technical people and business people try to talk together about software of the web.

Research into the field of negotiation and difficult conversation by groups such as the Harvard Negotiation Project has revealed that difficult conversations can all be seen to be following the same fundamental pattern. Once the structure of difficult conversations is understood, it is much easier to learn strategies for approaching them that can massively improve the effectiveness and success of communication. At the same time, the chance of upset, anger and other negative and time-wasting responses are reduced.

Identity: It's always about you. Issues surrounding our identity are very often the drivers behind the most emotional difficult conversations. By understanding what identity issues are commonly behind difficult conversations,

What happened: What happened? Whose fault is it? What should happen next? This conversation is very often the aspect of a difficult conversation which is most obvious. We investigate the ways in which the ″What happened″ conversation can conceal the real causes of a difficult conversation and investigate the use of the ″And stance″ - a method for understanding the contribution that all parties have made to a problem without the need to apportion blame.

Feelings: Though many people think that there should be no place for feelings in the workplace. The uncomfortable truth is that ″If you don't have your feelings, they'll have you.″ Many, many difficult conversations which claim to be disputes over ″What Happened?″ and involve blame, finger pointing and accusations of bad intentions are in fact conversations about feelings. Unless these feelings are addressed, the problem can't be solved.

This one-day course covers the basic structure of difficult conversations and then covers a general approach to dealing with difficult conversations that can be applied in a wide variety of different situations. Throughout the day, participants are asked to take part in a series of exercises taken from real-life experience of the tutor of over fifteen years of software development. These exercises give participants the opportunity to develop skills in dealing with difficult conversations in a safe, supportive environment away from the workplace.

Mark Stringer is a trainer, coach and consultant. He has worked as a software developer and project manager for IBM and Xerox and for a series of small internet startups. He has also worked as a researcher and tutor at Cambridge and Sussex Universities.


For further information, contact Mark@agilelab.co.uk (07736 807 604)

What do you do all day? When you get right down to it...

I read, I write and I talk to people. But the talking to people is the most important bit.

When I was working as a researcher, I spent some time visiting people in their homes and interviewing them about various things. I was always so surprised at how open and friendly people were once they'd let you into their home. Just spending a few minutes at the beginning of the conversation doing some "active listening", nodding your head, not interrupting, asking questions that show you're paying attention to what they're saying and then, it's amazing. They relax, they open up, they tell you all sorts of things. They tell you things that you couldn't imagine they would tell to a perfect stranger.

In a lot of my work as a trainer and a consultant, things don't go quite so smoothly. I've become fascinated with the whole business of conversations and how they can go wrong. So many of the people who come to me asking for help with training, or consultancy are really just trying to avoid difficult conversations. They don't want to have the conversations that they need to have with their bosses, with their clients, with their colleagues. And it's hardly surprising that they don't want to have those conversations because they've been burned in the past. Those kinds of conversations have gone very badly for them in the past and what kind of fool puts his or her hand in the fire for a second time?

What I'm trying to do with the new course that I'm putting together is to give people the skills they need to have difficult conversations so that they can broach awkward and difficult subjects with confidence. And a lot of the answers are to do with listening and understanding the others point of view.

Good to see...

...that I'm not the only person thinking about this "difficult conversation" stuff in relation to project management.


http://commentsonmyworld.wordpress.com/2009/01/08/good-pm-3-convey-bad-news/

For further information, contact Mark@agilelab.co.uk (07736 807 604) or Matt@agilelab.co.uk (07713 634 830)

Because I can't afford sky writing...

...I'm just going to set this in big bold text.

Almost every difficult conversation will involve strong feelings. It is always possible to define a problem without reference to feelings. But that's not true problem-solving. If feelings are the real issue, feelings should be addressed.

This is from a book I'm reading: "Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most"


For further information, contact Mark@agilelab.co.uk (07736 807 604) or Matt@agilelab.co.uk (07713 634 830)

Overhead in a London Cafe

MAN: OK, so what would you need in that report?
WOMAN: So how's that report going to work?
MAN: It would be like that CSV -
WOMAN: Oh, so you've got to enter all that information?
---------------
MAN: So one's going to be a client email and one's going to be for these guys - one for the organisation.
---------------
WOMAN: I thought we were working together on this.
---------------
WOMAN: You're sure I couldn't get this cheaper elsewhere?
---------------
WOMAN: I only have £10,000.
MAN: But you only have to sell 4 ads...
WOMAN: It doesn't work like that - what are you saying, that you want to invest?
MAN: It's just not worth our time. It's not software that we'd want to use again, it wouldn't be worth our time investing.
---------------
WOMAN: Why does it cost so much? I mean, if I was going to sing, I could charge £10,000
---------------
WOMAN: I thought download meant music download.
---------------
MAN: You could try and get it cheaper elsewhere, but if you get cheaper site, it will be done by cheaper people. You know I've seen people try to get sites done using Ukrainians...
WOMAN: What are you saying? They're inferior because they're from a different country? They're cheap because they need the money, they're not dressed in fashionable clothes like you, they're not going on fancy hoildays.
---------------
WOMAN: I think your developers probably have a name for you that you don't know.
---------------
WOMAN: Now "forward to a friend", when you click can that... What do those words mean?
---------------
MAN: Hang on a minute, why are we forwarding to a friend?
---------------
MAN: But the link won't work
WOMAN: Doesn't matter, it's just for marketing
MAN: But that's going to be bad
---------------
WOMAN: I thought you knew about that.
MAN: I did but...
WOMAN: Now you're actually thinking about it - how it would work.
---------------
WOMAN: That would be brilliant J
MAN: Yeah - that would be brilliant, but it would cost.
---------------
WOMAN: It wasn't part of the spec - that's what you're gonna tell me six months down the line.
---------------
WOMAN: You know, I think you have a bit of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). But I think you do have a bit. I'm a victim because I'm having to pay for your disorder. I mean other people have medication.
---------------
WOMAN: And can we change the colours
MAN: Yeah - but it's going to cost for you to change
WOMAN: So in that case, maybe we should keep it as neutral as possible.
---------------
WOMAN: Do you guys have employees or are they contract?
MAN: Both.
WOMAN: Really? You have full-time?

For further information, contact Mark@agilelab.co.uk (07736 807 604) or Matt@agilelab.co.uk (07713 634 830)